Been going through so much since my last post. Why is it you see where you are supposed to go but it is so hard to get there. The obstacles have been very heavy. Laying them down daily, but as I to surrender the deep wounds in my heart it just does not stop. I am in agreement. Take these things Lord but as they begin to surface it is very very hard, a festering mess of healing. This is what healing looks like. Well my usual response is, no way. I thought I wanted to go there but maybe next week. Very similar to other good things I want to do for myself. I want to let go of caffine, sugar and alcohol for 30 days but as soon as I get started the fear of letting go of the crutch sinks in. How will I get by without my daily cup of joe or that glass of wine in the evening and the countless moments I have with sugar and salt during the day. So today I surrender all of that and pray that you cleanse me Lord and I am ready for anything.
Each day there is something I hold on to. A place in the past, fear of the future, uncertainty. It is impossible for me to move in fear. I can only move in courage. This is a place that I hope to drop fear, guilt and shame into the abyss, knowing that I am healing.