SURRENDER THAT...

The desire to produce an outpouring of my heart on canvas has been there for several years. Many obstacles prevent me from creating anything. It is all there, I just cannot do it. It is like my prayers. They are there desperate to come forth but I cannot utter the words. The prayers are on my heart...is that good enough? Do you hear me Lord. "I hear you dear, but you have to say them, I want to hear you praise me, thank me and ask me. I see your masterpiece but I want to see you create it. I want you to draw near to me in obedience and be a vessel for my words and my vision. I see your masterpiece but I want others to see it. I want others to hear the message of my grace." When I think about the gift of creativity, I go quickly to the image of my grandmother, Mary Leah Lawrence. I think of the paintings she has created, the homes she has designed, her favorite color and her love for the monochromatic. I think of her beauty inside and out and how through her devotion t...

My most creative time has been when I was pregnant with my sons. My first art exhibit was created when I was five months pregnant with Jonah, early 2001. This is when the Lord prompted me to study the word, reflect, then produce my interpretation of scripture through watercolor and canvas. The first study was Seven Days of Creation and the six chapters of Ephesian. I pondered the divine thought, "in the beginning was the Word, the Word was God and the Word was with God". I thought about the infinite power of God, his omnipresence which enabled him to be present in the old testament and new testament at the same time. God inspiring Moses to articulate creation and Paul to write the book of Ephesians. This stoked my interest. I began to study. I took a cross section of each day of creation and compared it to each book of Ephesians. Day One: Chapter One, Day Two: Chapter Two and so on. SEE LATER POST FOR ARTWORK. So I am pregnant with Jude, I am five months pregnant, but ...

I can remember growing up getting a lot of guidance from my family. The idea that JESUS loves me has remained with me throughout all of my years. Just as the parable of the sower in Luke 8:15 my seeds fell upon GOODSOIL, and were nurtured and cared for by my parents until it was time for them to let me go and trust tht the LORD had me in HIS care. I was independent of my parents and began to make choices for my life, those years were rough ones. After almost a decade of struggling and decisions made outside of God's plan for my life, I literally collapsed in exhaustion of trying to "do it all" myself. As a result I turned and faced my LORD, despite the feelings I had of unworthiness. He drecieved me into HIS healing arems with out hesitation and that is when I SURRENDERED. He lifted me up out of the mirey clay" and it was then that he began a work in me. During the trial that led me to SURRENDER my life to CHRIST I began to journal everyday. This went on for...

I wake up at 4:00am every morning. I used to feel frustrated...why am I waking up. As I step into the vison that God has shown me, a vision of wholeness and healing for his children,  cultivating a place for them to go to connect with HIM in the presence of the HOLY SPIRIT, I yielded to the frustration. Perhaps this is what he wants for me. This frustrating situation is actually what he wants.  I began to pray for HIS perspective. I want to seek you first Lord, in EVERYTHING every situation I will magnify you Lord. Now I wake at 4:00am, still sleepy, but I ask "Lord CAN I really do what you have called me to do? It seems really big...too BIG, I am not sure if I can do it Lord." As I cry out to HIM my fear and doubts rise up, the trembling and darkness from past failures rises from my soul and as the storm circles around the beginning of my day HIS voice embraces me and holds me so tightly. HIS embrace captivates me and in that still moment I can hear HIS wor...

I love walking the journey head down and set watching one in front of the other providing protecting creating restoring renewing taking care of you taking care of me praying for the day that I can step out step in to the freedom that's within snap shot of the big picture then back in the moment the big picture then back in the moment taking care of you taking care of me am I really taking care of me what do I need beauty vigorous walk into the unknown is this a yes and this a no how will I know the big reveal breaking through the heart turning to steal being where I'm supposed to be taking care of you taking care of me living in freedom living living in love living in laughter time to be let it be being community let it be speaking words of heart mind and soul letting go

Proverbs 8:34 Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. WAITING on the  LORD   is not easy.   You  work on your self.  Praying Lord... is it my time.  I  am in your word. I am in community. I am Listening and  ready for you to send me. Is it my time? I am patiently waiting, watching, discerning the next move you would have me take.    I am sitting  Still I am sitting  Still I am sitting  Still  I am trying to sit still but it is hard.  The world around is growing busier and busier. When I stop to wait on you LORD , I am restless. I must do something . Fill the still moment with some thing some one I am waiting  on you LORD.  Sitting on the steps of this  overwhelming door. What is behind it .  When is it going to open. Is is going to open.  I reach for the iron door handle. Maybe it is open...

So often the circumstances in our lives dictate the ebb and flow of our lives. We become tangled in the emotion of our situation. Situations positive or negative should not push us back in forth between happiness and sadness, peace and chaos, community and isolation, satisfaction and desperation, create and devestate. When obstacles present themselves we rise up to control them. If I could do this, have this,  change this...then all would be well. We spend so much time trying. Trying to achieve, trying to produce, trying to provide, trying to be who everyone wants us to be. We also try to hide the things we don't want others to see. We are controlling our situation. We are controlling what people see. The process is exhausting. If anyone asked me, "Do you hear God?" My answer would be yes. He moves me and I listen. What I have found is that I hear him, I see the vision that he has for my life and I can vaguely see the promise land in the distance. I know it is there,...