SURRENDER THAT...

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.  {Winston Churchill}

  God is the God of promise.  Faith could be described as trust in the promises of God.  God makes a promise; faith believes it, hope anticipates it, patience quietly awaits it.   Highest Privilege: child of God Intimacy: No longer a slave to fear can be close Deepest experience: Sanctification Greatest security for the future: speaking with authority Obey   Bray was a miner from Cornwall, born in 1794.  He was an alcoholic and was always getting involved with fights and arguments at home.  At the age of twenty-nine he became a Christian.  He went home and told his wife, ‘You will never see me drunk again, by the help of the Lord.’  She never did.  His words, his tone of voice, and his looks all had magnetic power.  He was charged with divine electricity.  Crowds of miners would come and hear him preach.  Many were converted and there were some remarkable healings.  He was...

I had booked an art exhibit at St. John the Divine that would open in 15 months. I had no idea that I would be five months pregnant with Jacob. I could not have planned this. It was during this pregnancy and this out pouring of creativity that I considered this thought for the first time: I AM MOST CREATIVE WHEN I AM WITH CHILD. This made sense, God is the ultimate artisian and He created me in His image therefore I was created to create. This is the vision that I would base all of my work on in the following years. When I got started on the exhibit it was Fall 2002. I prayed that the Lord would reveal the number of paintings and the scipture that I would dive into. We had been at Gateway for one year and I was sitting in the auditorium soaking up John Burke's words of experience and wisdom. He said, "if you are ready to get close to Jesus reading His word is the best way. Read either the Gospel of Mark or John." That was it. After church I opened up my Life Applic...

It has been one month and a few days since my last entry. I have been obedient to the vision, but first dealing with the obstacles. Removing the obstacles has happened beautifully with a three fold action, incredible Bible Study at Hill Country Bible Church, Calm Heart in a Crazy World. My precious friend Katie Copland is leading it and I have made dear friends who are walking with me as I grasp the understanding of looking at my past and stepping forward as a new creation that God has created me to be every day. This can all be made possible through daily prayer and soaking in the Word of God. Second Step: Attending  Shine  at Shoreline Christian Center. This was a three day womens retreat. The message here was to unearth the deeply hidden secrets of our life, bring them to the open so that we can let go, receive healing and shine with the light of Christ. Finally, my friend, mentor, and spiritual director Kathryn Bonner. She also attended Shine. She has walked wi...

The art pieces showcased on the blog entry below, I painted while pregnant with Jonah. The meditation that inspired this work was that God's presence is not bound by time. He is all knowing, all present and all powerful. The scripture that was inspired at the beginning of creation can be seen throughout the old and new testament . His message of grace, love and mercy is seen in the intimate moments of creation and in the Holy Spirit filled words of Paul to Ephesus. I took each day of creation and rendered what I saw in reading the word. I then took a chapter of Ephesians and married it with each day. I was looking for similar ideas. The ideas that manifest through the Holy Spirit, Christ proclaims, or that Paul taught to the people of Ephesus, are the same throughout the ages. Day One: Ephesians 1:11-12 It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.  Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up,  he had his eye on us , had designs on us ...

It Began with the Table Covers @ the SJD Women’s Retreat 2007 I painted the word Joy over (16) 3x3 ft. pieces of butcher block paper. We used these as centerpieces for the Saturday morning session. The ladies were asked to use markers to add color and reflect on the message shared that day to the black and white design. Each paper was a sketch book for the women at that table. They did not know that each table cover came together to spell the word joy. That evening I hung the pieces together and the women were surprised to see the work they had done that day assembled to make a bigger picture. A picture of Joy. I took each 3x3 ft. design and created a 1x1 in rendering as seen in the sketch above. I cataloged the symbols and thoughts of each table. Table One= Painting One. Each painting reflects the thoughts and inspirations of the small group of women that sat there that day. Painting One Table One : Trading in My Shame, Regaining Joy, Dove , White Lily, Sorrow Depart P...

Lets go back to September 25th. During my healing experiences this month I have been obedient to get the vision on paper. Sometimes that is the hardest part. The first thing I did was take each 3x3ft piece of paper from the women's retreat and create a 1inx1in representation. This gave me the big picture. What the exhibit would look like as a whole. This is the first time I have really understood what it feels like to desire time spent with the Lord. I cleared my schedule, kids in school, baby Jude fast asleep...now is the time. Turn on Joy Williams, Sara Groves, Nicole Nordman Jars of Clay, Gateway Remember Me and the vision poured out of me like water...living water. During this sweet time with Jesus I set the color palate for the paintings. The sun rise and the sunset are my inspiration. The top eight will be reds and oranges and yellows the bottom eight purples and blues. The word Joy would be green representing my growth, the vines, the branches that are thriving i...

The desire to produce an outpouring of my heart on canvas has been there for several years. Many obstacles prevent me from creating anything. It is all there, I just cannot do it. It is like my prayers. They are there desperate to come forth but I cannot utter the words. The prayers are on my heart...is that good enough? Do you hear me Lord. "I hear you dear, but you have to say them, I want to hear you praise me, thank me and ask me. I see your masterpiece but I want to see you create it. I want you to draw near to me in obedience and be a vessel for my words and my vision. I see your masterpiece but I want others to see it. I want others to hear the message of my grace." When I think about the gift of creativity, I go quickly to the image of my grandmother, Mary Leah Lawrence. I think of the paintings she has created, the homes she has designed, her favorite color and her love for the monochromatic. I think of her beauty inside and out and how through her devotion t...

My most creative time has been when I was pregnant with my sons. My first art exhibit was created when I was five months pregnant with Jonah, early 2001. This is when the Lord prompted me to study the word, reflect, then produce my interpretation of scripture through watercolor and canvas. The first study was Seven Days of Creation and the six chapters of Ephesian. I pondered the divine thought, "in the beginning was the Word, the Word was God and the Word was with God". I thought about the infinite power of God, his omnipresence which enabled him to be present in the old testament and new testament at the same time. God inspiring Moses to articulate creation and Paul to write the book of Ephesians. This stoked my interest. I began to study. I took a cross section of each day of creation and compared it to each book of Ephesians. Day One: Chapter One, Day Two: Chapter Two and so on. SEE LATER POST FOR ARTWORK. So I am pregnant with Jude, I am five months pregnant, but ...

I can remember growing up getting a lot of guidance from my family. The idea that JESUS loves me has remained with me throughout all of my years. Just as the parable of the sower in Luke 8:15 my seeds fell upon GOODSOIL, and were nurtured and cared for by my parents until it was time for them to let me go and trust tht the LORD had me in HIS care. I was independent of my parents and began to make choices for my life, those years were rough ones. After almost a decade of struggling and decisions made outside of God's plan for my life, I literally collapsed in exhaustion of trying to "do it all" myself. As a result I turned and faced my LORD, despite the feelings I had of unworthiness. He drecieved me into HIS healing arems with out hesitation and that is when I SURRENDERED. He lifted me up out of the mirey clay" and it was then that he began a work in me. During the trial that led me to SURRENDER my life to CHRIST I began to journal everyday. This went on for...

I wake up at 4:00am every morning. I used to feel frustrated...why am I waking up. As I step into the vison that God has shown me, a vision of wholeness and healing for his children,  cultivating a place for them to go to connect with HIM in the presence of the HOLY SPIRIT, I yielded to the frustration. Perhaps this is what he wants for me. This frustrating situation is actually what he wants.  I began to pray for HIS perspective. I want to seek you first Lord, in EVERYTHING every situation I will magnify you Lord. Now I wake at 4:00am, still sleepy, but I ask "Lord CAN I really do what you have called me to do? It seems really big...too BIG, I am not sure if I can do it Lord." As I cry out to HIM my fear and doubts rise up, the trembling and darkness from past failures rises from my soul and as the storm circles around the beginning of my day HIS voice embraces me and holds me so tightly. HIS embrace captivates me and in that still moment I can hear HIS wor...

I love walking the journey head down and set watching one in front of the other providing protecting creating restoring renewing taking care of you taking care of me praying for the day that I can step out step in to the freedom that's within snap shot of the big picture then back in the moment the big picture then back in the moment taking care of you taking care of me am I really taking care of me what do I need beauty vigorous walk into the unknown is this a yes and this a no how will I know the big reveal breaking through the heart turning to steal being where I'm supposed to be taking care of you taking care of me living in freedom living living in love living in laughter time to be let it be being community let it be speaking words of heart mind and soul letting go

Proverbs 8:34 Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. WAITING on the  LORD   is not easy.   You  work on your self.  Praying Lord... is it my time.  I  am in your word. I am in community. I am Listening and  ready for you to send me. Is it my time? I am patiently waiting, watching, discerning the next move you would have me take.    I am sitting  Still I am sitting  Still I am sitting  Still  I am trying to sit still but it is hard.  The world around is growing busier and busier. When I stop to wait on you LORD , I am restless. I must do something . Fill the still moment with some thing some one I am waiting  on you LORD.  Sitting on the steps of this  overwhelming door. What is behind it .  When is it going to open. Is is going to open.  I reach for the iron door handle. Maybe it is open...

So often the circumstances in our lives dictate the ebb and flow of our lives. We become tangled in the emotion of our situation. Situations positive or negative should not push us back in forth between happiness and sadness, peace and chaos, community and isolation, satisfaction and desperation, create and devestate. When obstacles present themselves we rise up to control them. If I could do this, have this,  change this...then all would be well. We spend so much time trying. Trying to achieve, trying to produce, trying to provide, trying to be who everyone wants us to be. We also try to hide the things we don't want others to see. We are controlling our situation. We are controlling what people see. The process is exhausting. If anyone asked me, "Do you hear God?" My answer would be yes. He moves me and I listen. What I have found is that I hear him, I see the vision that he has for my life and I can vaguely see the promise land in the distance. I know it is there,...

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you…AMEN It is hard for me to put words to this post. It does not surprise me the minute I typed the words "it is hard to put words to this post" The following lyrics came forth from my radio. "Nothing formed against me shall stand You hold the whole world in your hand I am holding on to your promises you are faithful you are faithful I know who Goes before me I know who stands behind the God of angel armies is always by my side the one who reigns forever he is a friend of mine The God of Angel Army is always by my side. " The first time I ever heard this song was the Sunday before my sweet Bonnie B passed away. I have struggled for YEARS with stepping into the plan and purpose God has called me to. It was very clear to me in 1996 when God spoke to me audibly in the main sanctuary of St. John the Divine. God said, "I have a job for you to do." The message that day ...

Thank you lord that you are so patient with me. Lord you have been tapping me on the shoulder in so many ways. Thank you for the way you have spoken to me through Bonnie’s death. The picture you gave me.  Picture the journey that each person makes as we are created in our mother ‘s wombs, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). Then we are birthed into life   learning how to step into the purpose God has for our lives, through a cycle of obedience, mistakes, consequences and faith. Then God tells the story of our bodies returning to dust (Genesis 3:17-19).  We let go of this world and are birthed from life into eternal life. When we are heaven ready, we step into a realm of Glory our earthly bodies could never handle.  Exodus 33:21-23 God  said, “Look, here is a place right beside me. Put yourself on this rock. When my Glory passes by, I’ll put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with my hand until I’ve passed by...