Most people start on a fresh page, clean slate on January first. This was a little hard for me this year.
John 17:17 "Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth."
In on August 14th with knowing that God had my tiny hand in his, I stepped into 20 weeks to freedom. I thought of it as an experiment. Get back into the word, get accountability, look at myself and what I could change. It was a FLOOD of clarity. Immediately connected with a friend to birth the concept of BODY IN MOTION. Connected with Life Group and removed the obstacle of being in community. I am a spirt walker. I have gifts. I am called to use them. What is the obstacle.
Each time I step into my PASSON and PURPOSE, the storm comes. If it was just me I could press in and endure all, but I have my little men and my husband. When I rise to the call the enemy sends the counter attack. Up until now it has been too hard. When my babies are suffering, my marriage struggling, my natural reaction is to pull back. Not going there. Hand in the fire pull it out. You don't think about it. It is an involuntary reaction. The obstacle: FEAR
When we are filled with fear we are unable to move. When you are stuck, stagnant, spirit is in need of sanctification. When living in fear the spirit becomes heavy with toxins and is unable to operate as it should. Toxins: Anger, resentment, guilt, shame, defensiveness and so on. You get it. My spirit had learned to operate a "successful Christlike journey" with toxic impurities in the tank. I was staggering and sputtering in the spirit.
After the clarity. I decided that nothing was going get in my way of rising to the Lord's call for my life. If I just got me and Sam to Life Group, boys in the Church Play, stay connected, get in the word. I was doing all of this why was I feeling worse. The more that the Lord began to manifest and I would see fruit the worse I felt about myself. The more my old baggage of self image and self medicating began to surface. I was not feeling freedom.
When January first rolled around I was done worn out. I had endured the confrontations, endured the truth about myself, stayed in the game, begged the Lord to change me. I saw myself and worse I saw myself in my children. I was interceding like banshee, helping people, being the body...why was a feeling more lonely than ever. What was going on FREEDOM is not supposed to be like this. January 1st rolled around and I was done. It had been 20 weeks and my life change seemed more painful than purposeful.
Today, one month from the first, in God's timing, I am beginning a ten day fast and I am praying for the Lord to uproot the toxins in my spirit and sanctify my spirit with His peace and His presence. This is the key. For 20 weeks I was doing all the right things but by spirit was not operating to its optimum potential. Here we go. I am excited. Thank you for your patience with me my darling.
Comments
Post a Comment