This morning I was doing my morning mediation. I was listening to a my ABUNDANT CREATIVE call from last week. We are looking at money. We are to clear our canvas and let go of the understanding we have about money. We are digging into our first good and bad experience with money and how that has shaped our relationship with money over the years.
I am stepping into my divine purpose and it is calling for being organized, bills paid, debt paid, being in a place to expand my territory. This is a real obstacle for me. I always seem to "forget" bill due dates, getting caught up with finance charges and more. Why is this. Looking back to my childhood I am hunting for when a word of irresponsibility was spoken over me. When I began to feel entitled. I would charge Hamburgers and shakes for all my friends at Avalon Drug Store. Charge it to my mom and dad. They will take care of it later. Was I reacting to the fact that I did not have as much as my friends? I was running with a group that had their own cars, ranches, beach houses, unlimited clothing, movie nights out etc. "Ask" and they sure did receive. Was I/am holding on to resentment about what I did not have. Did I make up for it by always being the one who treated at Avalon. Was I punishing my parents for not getting me everything I dreamed of?
I think it was when the bill came to my parents and that the word "IRRESPONSIBLE" was showered over me. "How could you" "What were you thinking" "You will pay for this" but I never did. I might have been sentenced to clearing the side yard of thorns but I never had to pay the bill. What I needed was to feel what it felt like to earn the money to pay to those hamburgers, because later the hamburgers turned into charging gas and more to the Chevron card in college, parking tickets that stuffed the glove box of my car and INSF charges to my checking account. I did not understand then that I was manipulating the system and charging those things to my parents was stealing... manipulating.
All of these thoughts came from an exercise. MELISSA D'ANTONI @ FIRETREEESTUDIOS is walking me through my money story. This exercise is bringing light to the darkness. Where I was paralyzed with money yesterday I am set free today. Praising God in advance for what happens next!
Nice post.thanks a lot for this knowledgefull post. Carryon boss. Thanks to all. Las Vegas Money Secrets
ReplyDeleteThanks for encouragement.
DeleteHalleluia! Thanks for your total honesty about your struggles too....it will help many! It helped me already to desire to be more honest about everything! I love you!
ReplyDeleteWow! That post seemed very courageous to me cause I think I have a lot of shame in this area too. You're not alone in your struggles in this area. I really want to hear about what freedom feels like, so keep sharing what you find out!
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